But then I learned that one can only get hurt so bad
if they carry love in their heart.
When you have been hurt so much
that you can actually feel a hole in your chest.
There comes a time when you don't wish to feel good anymore.
You no longer look for the butterflies.
You just wish for the pain to go away,
to go numb so that you can get rid
of the hollow feeling before it eats you from the inside.
There have been days where I was hoping
that someone would see through the tears I was holding back.
Maybe I am a little straightforward.
But, I wish you find someone
who would ignore you
just the way you ignore the people who love you.
On some days,
it is easy to top your priority list,
while on the other days,
people don't even make it to that priority list.
People say no response is also a response in itself.
You have put my brain into an endless phase of overthinking.
Ignoring someone is one thing.
Ignoring them for absolutely no reason is another.
I don't think about you now
when they play love songs.
Instead, I think of you
when they play songs about heartbreak.
Whenever you smiled
I replayed it frequently,
Not realising that
it was not heartfelt.
I kept thinking of you,
blurring the lines of my imagination and reality.
I brushed it all off even when you didn't make efforts
when in truth you were not considerate.
You promised everything
and gave nothing when I was ready to bestow anything.
I wrote paragraphs for you,
about us together forever but the ink stayed
while you faded away.
For every compliment you gave,
I blushed as I had an admirer
but not a person who respected.
It's funny that people you will love
will think whatever it is that you are having with them will last.
I don't blame them.
People always promise the skies and give away the stones.
What do you know of love until you kiss someone
and find a bitter taste of someone else's lips on theirs.
How did you let go of years of love for seconds of indulgence?
They say you always hurt the ones you love, is that so?
You say it was a mistake.
But, it wasn't your mistake.
It was my mistake to love you.
All of this was my mistake, honestly.
All sloshed in alcohol,
one evening,
You told me things I didn't want to know.
Nothing happens out of the blue.
Hotel rooms are more comfortable than bedrooms.
But I know the difference between comfort and happiness.
And, you don't.
I hope you make right choices when you love again.
I hope you learn to love people,
and not ruin them.
What I thought was love,
was actually a hollow heart
and I regret that I ever met you.
I tried to make constellations with you
when you were not even a star,
to begin with.
I hate myself for putting my time and energy in you.
You drained the shit out of me.
You give and you give and then they leave.
You finally figure out how to live.
And, all of a sudden they attempt to return.
Claiming to miss you.
But, close that door for good.
Forever!
Posts
